I can remember taking my first poetry workshop in college. We were going to have to read our poems aloud in class, so I practiced in my dorm room.
Tried to practice. Just reading my own poem out loud in an empty room freaked me out. It took about an hour for my voice to even work.
I've been in a lot of workshops and done a lot of readings since, so I don't get too worked up about it any more. But why was it so frightening in the first place?
Part of it was just the discomfort of trying something new. For some reason, a lot of us feel embarrassed when we're not good at something, even if we're just learning.
We don't expect children to be perfect as they figure things out. If we look at a five-year-old's artwork, we don't criticize her lack of perspective, then point at her signature and say, "And God, you have terrible handwriting." But many of us don't have any patience with ourselves. We think we should be able to stand up on the surfboard after one lesson, or master a perfect French accent after a week with Rosetta Stone. And if we can't, well...maybe, we think, we suck. Or maybe we don't really want to surf or speak French or whatever after all.
Poetry also leads us to say things we wouldn't normally say, because it would be too painful, too personal, controversial, ridiculous, or even arrogant. In so many direct and indirect ways, our poems expose the weirdness we try to hide. That can be really uncomfortable, especially for shy or awkward people who, ironically, seem to be just a little more likely to be drawn to poetry writing in the first place.
But it's great when you share your poem, exposing your weirdness for everyone to see...and nothing terrible happens.
Probably, everyone still likes you okay. Occasionally, someone even knows exactly what you're talking about. Maybe she even has that experience of reading something for the first time that she thought was only true for her, and now you both know you're not alone.
Or, you know, maybe nobody likes your poem. Maybe even you don't like it that much (or maybe you still do). It's still all right. It took some guts to put it out there, and you did it anyway, and nobody can take that away from you.
thanks for this . . . especially as i face word week. your timing is great!
ReplyDeleteAmen to almost 50's comment : )
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about trying new things. Esp. when it involves talking in public. We've done a couple of book talks in my library media centers class and it was kind of scary at first but then really cool.
ReplyDeleteI make a point to not read my poems out loud. It just doesn't "sound" right, not to mention I tend to add words there that were not there in the writing of it. Nervousness I guess.
ReplyDeleteI've only shared with a few. They tend to be very personal, or at other times "too long" as some have put it. Some felt it wasn't their place to critique it, or just didn't feel comfortable doing it, I mean it was going to be a good or bad thing. Like asking me about certain food. My tastes in food are VERY narrow, so chances are if you throw something fancy at me, I'm more than likely not going to like it... well my tastes buds wont, as I would certainly like to enjoy what a friend has made for me. I think you see where I'm going with this.
Other have interpret the poems for what they are, and all art is subject to it's own interpretation by the other person.
Compliments are always great, even when taken subjectively. I think it would be cool though, to have submitted work to a magazine and get rejected, then one could don some sort of fake "rebel" writer attitude. Like I have street cred for being a great writer because this magazine rejected my writing. I'm tough. Might not always work out that way though.
But as mentioned intitially it's the fear. With the above mentioned attitude and perspective, the fear may not be so much in doing something new, but the fear in having to adapt to something different.
It's the fear of starting, that can eventually lead to fear of stopping, fear of changing, etc.
Juan / meowmix
stacey, i wrote a great comment, but it came up under my spouse's name and i have too much homework tonight. suffice it to say, love the timeliness of your blog.
ReplyDeleteStacey, I came to your blog by way of a comment posted by my friend on your excellent post about being Christian and thinking gayness is a sin.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I like the last paragraph of "Poetry and Fear" because it gives me a way of thinking about my self-published novel that sold 40 copies.